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Recovering Perfectionist

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April 1st, 2013

08:43 pm - Feeling sad about my weight
I'm feeling huge and uncomfortable, and kind of hopeless about it. I've been exercising most days (30 mins cardio, 15 yoga), which has improved my mood and energy considerably. But food is such an emotional crutch, and as long as I keep eating like this, my body is not going to change shape. I know there are plenty of people who think I look fine the way I am, even sexy (especially dimers). If this were just about how other people I care about perceive me, it wouldn't be such a problem. But I don't like myself at this weight. I don't need to be skinny. I just want to be back below 200 (I'm 231 now). I'm just working so hard on so many fronts, I feel like if I didn't have the comfort of eating sugar and processed carbs, everything would fall apart.

The only thing worse than feeling uncomfortable in my body is feeling like it's my own damn fault.
Current Mood: embarrassedembarrassed

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February 14th, 2013

11:07 am - Money Meme
If someone were to hand me, obligation-free...

$10 - I'd just stick it in my wallet.

$100 - I actually have this "problem" right now. I got a gift of a $100 bill, and I keep wavering between spending it on something fun (what the giver would prefer) and putting it toward debt (what would make me happiest right now). If it were something fun, I think I'd buy a new camera (the one I want is about $160). My iPhone camera is okay, but doesn't really cut it.

$1000 - I'd pay off the rest of my car insurance for the year (through September), which is $445. The rest I'd probably just throw towards debt.

$10,000 - I'd do all of the above, plus trade in my nearly 15-year-old (but still running) car, and buy a new-to-me much younger car.

$100,000 - I'd do all of the above, plus pay off all my remaining debt, buy a bunch of $100-400 purchases I've been putting off (new mattress, EZ-Up, basement shelving, some new clothes), and the rest would go into savings to be a much-needed cushion.

$1,000,000 - All of the above, plus I'd buy a house, maybe even the one we're currently living in. But not a real green dress; that's cruel.

So, universe: Bring it on*; I'm ready! :-)

*(For the good of all and according to the free will of all)

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December 25th, 2012

10:07 pm - Year End Meme, as featured in pennywhistle
1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?
--Bought feminine supply products for someone else
--Started an IRA (from an old 401(k))
--Took Storrow Drive on purpose
--Got mentioned in O Magazine (Hint: Look at the bottom of the article for the credits.)
--Gave new clients to a subcontractor because my work schedule was too full
--Paid estimated taxes in full and on time!
Moar!Collapse )

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October 18th, 2012

09:48 pm
Note to self: The red flags are there for a reason.

No, this isn't about you; I promise.
Current Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable

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October 7th, 2012

09:01 pm - Teasing the Delicate Pre-Teen
I happened to say "fuck" in front of Ilana the other night. A bunch of us were in the kitchen. I'm not worrying so much about cursing in front of her, these days. I think she has the discretion to know when to use such words and when not to use them.

But she still finds it quite offensive. So she said, "MOM!" and gave me a "you should know better" look.

So Todd and dimers have this exchange:

"You shouldn't say fuck in front of children."
"Why the fuck not?"
"It fucks them up."

Ilana ran screaming from the room. :-)
Current Mood: gigglygiggly

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September 25th, 2012

05:06 pm - Prompted by a friend's LJ post about flat affect: Do you like me?
If you have a flat affect in conversation with me, I will generally assume you don't like me. I'm realizing that this may be an incorrect assumption. So I figured I'd just check.

If you think, for any reason, that I might believe you don't like me, but you indeed do, please comment below!

P.S. "Flat affect," for those who hate using Google, *wink* is when someone speaks without much emotion, sort of robotically. I think Sarah Vowell is a good example of this.
Current Mood: curiouscurious

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September 24th, 2012

06:20 pm - Cooking Gadgets Meme
Bold the ones you have and use at least once a year, italicize the ones you have and don't use, strike through the ones you have had but got rid of.

[I'm going to include all the gadgets in the house, most of which aren't mine. If I were the one cooking all the time, I'd probably only use half as many gadgets]

I wonder how many pasta machines, breadmakers, juicers, blenders, deep fat fryers, egg boilers, melon ballers, sandwich makers, pastry brushes, cheese boards, cheese knives, electric woks, miniature salad spinners, griddle pans, jam funnels, meat thermometers, filleting knives, egg poachers, cake stands, garlic crushers, martini glasses, tea strainers, bamboo steamers, pizza stones, coffee grinders, coffee maker, milk frothers, piping bags, banana stands, fluted pastry wheels, tagine dishes, conical strainers, rice cookers, steam cookers, pressure cookers, slow cookers, spaetzle makers, cookie presses, gravy strainers, double boilers (bains marie), sukiyaki stoves, ice cream makers, fondue sets, healthy-grills, home smokers, tempura sets, tortilla presses, electric whisks (I'm using this for the immersion blender), cherry stoners, sugar thermometers, food processors, bacon presses, bacon slicers, mouli mills, cake testers, pestle-and-mortars, and sets of kebab skewers languish dustily at the back of the nation's cupboards.

We also have a yogurt maker, creme brûlée torch, KitchenAid mixer, apple slicer, maki sushi rolling mat, and probably other stuff I'm forgetting.
Current Mood: okayokay

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August 13th, 2012

12:10 am - Kicking my self-esteem when it's down
It may be that after spending two days with my mom and coming out of it feeling crap about myself, this was not the best time to alert a forum of organizers that I do something most of them are going to feel is bad business behavior. (That would be occasionally grabbing an non-valuable item from the donation stream for myself.) I should really delete their responses unread for the sake of my mental health, but what if they're right and I'm wrong?

Current Mood: stressedstressed

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July 2nd, 2012

02:39 pm - National Accept-the-Niceness Day
This is an idea of theferrett's. The full entry is here, but here's a shortened version:

"Anyone posting in the comments of this entry may be complimented, for no reason whatsoever, by anyone who knows good things about them. Anyone posting in the comments of this entry are encouraged to say something wonderful about someone else, in the hopes that the subject of their niceness will see this.

"And anyone complimented in these threads cannot deny the compliment. Today, here, you must own the fact that you have made someone happy enough that they feel the urge to gush about you. This is not them doing it out of obligation, for who the hell needs to post in a thread on some dude’s blog? This is not them being lured into an illusion of your wonderfulness – if you’re reading it, drop your impostor syndrome for a moment. Open yourself to the idea that what they’re happy about is actually real.

"Anyone reading this is welcome to steal the idea for their own. And then post a variation on their blog."

I shall post a comment for each compliment I wish to give someone. I'm also going to focus on people who may not already know that I think they're awesome.

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June 12th, 2012

07:51 pm - Day in the Life, June 10, 2012
I made this for the Day in the Life LJ community. I don't know why some of the photos are rotated and others aren't.

52 photos, including a shirtless man and a shirtless female coconut.Collapse )
Current Mood: goodgood

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